Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

I've always had this illogical fear of meeting people and letting my gaurd down. If you know me, you'll know that I am rather shy. I don't speak, at all, unless I'm spoken too. I've made myself this way. I used to be outgoing when I was younger. I fear meeting people and getting to know them. Letting myself love them. I always end up parting with people. And I hate it. I don't like that I am always loosing people when I begin to allow myself to open up.

I really want to change that about myself. I don't know if anyone else has ever tried to break one of their bad habbits, but I really want to open up to people. I want to be able to go out with someone and talk. I don't want people to think that I'm uninterested or something of that nature. Becuase, that's not it at all. I just am not a big talker.

I met someone. Well, the correct way of saying this would be that I have been introduced to someone. And, I've hung out with him and a few different friends twice now. And, it's strange because I'm a home body, but I actually really enjoyed myself. Hanging out with people that were fun.

Each time I have gone out with him, I'm very quiet. And I don't really like that I was. I look back and get irritated with myself because it's so stupid that I'm so quiet. So, I want to try and speak up a little more, if that's possible. I want to open up. I am kind of wondering if they are going to think that I was annoyed or was having a bad time. And that would be so completely awful, because I had a wonderful time.

I guess this little rant was just about the fact that I want to be more outgoing. So, I notice that I need to be. I just need to figure out a way to get out there and talk a little more. I need to somehow. And, I'm not even that naturally quiet, but when I am put into situations, I get extremely quiet. I need to stop that. Well, my rant is over~