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She sat in her room, trying to drown all the scornful words in contemplation.
"Shut up! b***h!!"
"No, you shut up!! This is all your fault!!!"
She let these words sink in. She just couldn't take it anymore. Why were things just so...wrong? It didn't make any sense.
Suddenly, she heard the sound similar to that of a cracking whip's, accompanied by a cry of pain, ending in bitter, heartfelt sobs.
She clenched her fists, gripping the bedsheets, trying to hold back cries and screams of anger, disappointment, and regret. She closed her eyes shut in disgust and fear, not wanting to find out what had happened. Involuntarily, her lips quivered as she managed to smile at the thought of her Sweetheart. She looked to her right, to the pillow who she'd hold on tight to every night. She took it and held it in a tight embrace, letting out all the pulses of fury in sobs.
In the midst of this, she felt a warm embrace, as if someone had been hugging her, comforting her. She opened her eyes, frantically looked around, expecting to be in his arms...the mere thought was in vain.
She plopped onto the bed, laying down, holding her pillow close, crying some more. She wanted to be with him so bad. She wanted to see him. She wanted to go far away from this place and feel safe in his arms.
Then, her mind switched onto a whole different onset -- from hopeful, to hopeless. She remembered the blade she locked away in the cabinets. She felt the very urge to get up and go for the blade, which she did. She looked into the shiny blade, seeing a portion of her sorrowful, tear-stained face. She winced and nervously held the blade to her left wrist, her right hand shaking from second thoughts...Will I do it? I've got some more to live for. Well, I think I do...if he is willing to accept me......gah, to hell with it...he doesn't trust me...I guess he can go on without me...
She pressed the clean, cold, sharp metal to her wrist, thinking and thinking, her eyes shut tight. Her eyes flung open, and she started to tremble as she saw a familiar red liquid flow out of her wrist. She hadn't noticed any pain from the shock of seeing so much of it.
She landed on her bed, the sheets soaked in blood. She held a hand out, as if she were reaching out to touch her Sweetheart's face, smiled, and whispered, her lips quivering: I love you...and I'm sorry.
She slowly closed her eyes, her wrist throbbing, and her mind took her to places she'd never known of. If she had been thinking in the dark the whole time, this time, everything was bright and clear. But then again, it didn't really matter. She wanted to be anywhere from where she was.
After a while, she started to hear voices. And even though her eyes were closed, she could still see a bright light. She slowly opened her eyes and winced at the bright overhead light.
"She's gonna be alright."
And with that, a body fell upon her and started to sob. Why...Why did they save me...Why am I still here...I wanted to be somewhere else...far away from here...but why? She sighed in despair and closed her eyes...
Two days later, she'd still been in the hospital, under observance. She'd cut too deep, and it was hours after they found her in her blood-stained bed. All that time there, she would just sit there and look out her room's window, which overlooked a part of the city, and just wonder why she was still there. She looked at her reflection in the metal boardrail or her hospital bed and noticed she was as pale as a corpse. She had lost lots of blood. She remembers the doctors and nurses murmuring stuff like it's a miracle she'd survived.
"Wow...miracles..." she said to herself in the empty room. She scoffed at the thought. It disappointed her more to know that she'd lived through it...that they'd foiled her plan.
She sighed heavily and just sat there, waiting for the doctor to come in and say she was ready to leave the hospital. But it was gonna be another day until they release her.
She was also upset that she didn't have a computer around. She wanted to talk to her Sweetheart so bad and tell him what had happened. But then again, she didn't want to...it's like he didn't care after all...and it's better with him not knowing.
That night, her parents silently came into the room like every night to watch over her. Before going to bed, they'd keep on telling her that they were sorry for all that they've caused her to think. Everytime she heard them say things like that, she'd keep a straight face and not even look at them, not saying a word. She's just look down at her inclined self and think deeply.
"It's alright...we know you want to be out of here so bad. The doctor says you'll be out by tomorrow."
At that, she grinned, although it didn't show. And then she gave a light scoff...I don't just want to leave this hospital, I wanna leave this place and go somewhere else far from the people I already know...I wanna start over...
She woke up the next morning, remembering it was the day that she was going to leave the hospital. Then, she was planning to go wherever she felt like going. She just didn't want to go home, either.
She was looking out at the morning sunburst, brightfully lining the city's buildings. It was a sight she always loved to see everyday, except she wouldn't see how it peeked through the buildings. Her room was tinted a warm orange, and she loved the feel so much. This mere feeling put a sincere smile on her face.
She hadn't been thinking so negatively then -- it seemed as if that beautiful sunrise made her feel so happy, which she was. And another thing made her smile -- the thought of her ever spending a morning like this with her Sweetheart, ever sharing the beauty of the sunrise with him. She sighed as the old thought of her not being able to see him for some time moderately made her sad. But she wasn't gonna let that thought ruin her day.
Then she heard a few knocks on her door. She looked in the direction of the door and expected the nurse come in with a clipboard in hand to tell her she was ready to go. But instead, a tall unknown figure closed the door behind him. She was rather shocked to find a person she didn't know, clad in casual wear, to be in her room. She was expecting him to find he had been in the wrong room.
He turned around and smiled at her. She was perplexed at his action, and started to feel uneasy. But then she remembered...Hmm...he looks....familiar...I think I've seen his face before...
And then it hit her. She smiled broadly and said in a hopeful tone, "Hayato?"
He smiled again and went over to her bedside and hugged her tight and whispered softly in her ear, "Mary..."
She closed her eyes and she felt them well up with tears of pure happiness and joy. She pulled away from his embrace and asked in incredulity. "But...but what are you doing here? I mean...why? How?"
"Well, you should know and congratulate your mom for she learned how to use the computer. She sent me a message about what had happened to you. When I read it, I almost broke down in tears. I couldn't believe what you just did. But it did come from your mom...I'd have no reason not to believe it. I left as soon as I found out. As in, literally. I'd left my guardian a message that I was moving out."
"But...how? I thought you said --"
She was cut off as he put his finger to her lips to silence her. He smiled and let out a light laugh. "Well, I decided to cut that long wait short. I had another reason to see you. And I ached to see you...I needed you so bad...and I still do...I love you, Mary."
She hugged him tight. "Oh Hayato...you shouldn't have. I could've waited...and this wasn't a worse case scenario," she joked.
"Oh? I thought they said you almost lost all of the blood needed for your body to sustain itself. The minimum, that is."
She smiled at this, trying to hide the fact. "Well, it doesn't really matter does it? That donor...it was very generous of him."
He smiled broadly at this. "Why thank you."
Her eyes widened in disbelief. "...You...you were the donor???"
"Well, I may be anemic, and a blood type 'O-negative', but they said my blood was just fine. And besides. I offered, and wouldn't be content not being able to help. I was being persistent...You know how I am and how I can get...."
"Yes, but...didn't you just get here?"
"Yes. Yesterday."
"Then how?"
"After that emergency tranfusion, they didn't have any other donors. Well, they did, but I arrived when they needed a new donor for you. And besides. I was offering you my blood for free."
She hugged him tight, not wanting to let go. And this time, she started to sob. He held her away from him to look at her, and wiped the tears from her eyes. "There there, Lover...don't cry."
She continued to cry, but smiled since she couldn't help it. He held her in his arms and started to stroke her back to comfort her.
Feeling conscious, she backed away, fearing he'd touch her somewhere. He backed away, with an innocent look on his face.
"Hey, I wasn't going to, alright?" he smiled.
She let out a soft laugh and smiled back. She kissed his cheek and said, "Thank you."
He hugged her tight and whispered, "Anytime...anything...for you..."
And then they heard the doorknob rattle, and three people came into the room -- her parents, and the nurse. As they saw them, they reflected their looks of awkwardness.
"I guess we should leave them alone for a bit more...." They agreed and they walked out of the room.
They laughed a bit and continued to talk some more. She felt so good to be in his arms. And the feeling of his embrace was exactly the one she felt before she had made her mistake. And she felt so good being around him. And she didn't regret a thing. Maybe things were meant to end up this way...well, at this point, it didn't really matter...she was finally happy and content. It was all she ever wanted...
"...Maybe I was meant to live for so much more..."
 Mary Hiryu · Sat Jun 24, 2006 @ 09:49am · 9 Comments |
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