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Okay, so you've gone through like, a quarter of your life. Perhaps one fifth? Nah...doesn't matter.
You've gone through life -- no question. You've thought so many thoughts already, some you've already forgotten about. In life, there are those good times and those bad times. You recall those moments -- what happened, who you were with, how things went.
It's great reminiscing on those good memories. You messed around, had fun, got the last laugh. And some special people might've even made it memorable -- your first kiss, your birthday, the day your younger sibling was born. There are many factors that keep those amazing memories stored in your long-term memory, and there're there as treasures of your memory.
But how about those bad times? You were teased, criticized, stepped on, and humiliated. Sometimes, these can be extreme as to get stored in your long-term memory, but as horrid memories that bug you in the middle of the night when you can't sleep. These bad memories can also drain your confidence and self-esteem. They can stop you from doing some risky things which'd be right to do, then again, you put yourself in danger of embarrassment. Like perhaps, sticking up for someone. Instead of the bullies backing away from your defenseless friend, they pick on you too and beat the two of you up. Or perhaps, you'd take a stand on behalf of a person you barely even know who gets ridiculed in public.
When things go wrong and your down, what do you usually think of? You know, those bad memories. What'd you think of? What were you thinking when that happened? When you look back at it now, what do you think about?
The teenage youth tends to think about suicide, thinking that things would be better without them. It can be pretty pathetic. But there are cases wherein you're pretty much alone in the world -- you grew up not knowing your family, your guardian took everything left of what you've got when you were about 5, you were picked on until the 8th grade, an old couple tends to order you around alot. You don't have friends to talk to, you get influenced on using drugs and alcohol, people tend to misunderstand you -- this can seem pretty hopeless. There's lots more to it, actually. Try to imagine your own worse case scenario.
Years later, perhaps a decade later, you're still alive. May I ask, what kept you alive? Was it a particular thought? Was it a particular person? Is it a legacy you promised to fulfill? A vengeance unfulfilled? Or were you too chicken to disappear off the face of this earth?
Was it anything you hoped for? Did you ever hope things would get better? Have things gotten better? Did you believe things would just get better?
Hope -- the thing that I guess kept you going, the thing that kept you alive. I'm pretty sure there was a moment in your life where you had hope that things would get better. But there would've been something to keep you hoping for that particular thing. When things don't exactly go according to plan, the hope diminishes a bit. But soon after, you'll continue to hope anyway. But what kept you hoping?
I'm a person who asks lots of questions. There are times when I know the answer, but I still ask anyway. But this question for people in the case I've described... an answer would be great. I constantly wonder about this. It's...intriguing. I think about it alot, and I wonder how it's like being that person. And all I can do is try to make their lives even the slightest bit better in the very least. 3nodding
 Mary Hiryu · Sun Jan 14, 2007 @ 01:41pm · 0 Comments |
