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I'm talking about all that ********' anger. Allow me to explain the best way I can:

Try being angry. Ok good, because we're all at least a little angry all the time. If you're not then you're either naive or stupid (you poor thing). Now hold on to this anger for at least a couple days. Oh don't worry, it's not hard. Now try getting rid of it. You can't? Have you tried hitting things? No one will let you? What about hitting the people who wont let you get rid of all this bottled up anger you have? What?!? Too nice!!?? What kind of hypocrite are you?! Uhg, fine! If I can't educate you I might as well just be talking to a brick wall!!

…I didn't notice I was doing that until about the last sentence. But this is a good opportunity to clarify the fact that I've been talking to myself that way for at least a week. Something happened a few weeks ago that pissed me off. Now I'm getting chest pains, a few of my friends are avoiding me, my wooden bat is chipped (well, more than it was when it was given to me…), and my walls are destroyed. My homicidal tendencies are through the roof ("well why don't you go to a psychiatrist or something? Or why not just stop talking about it and go kill people, you pathetic poser?" Jee, I dunno, maybe it's-I don't want to go to jail, you moron! ((or I'll just kill you...maybe you'd like that! You clearly hate yourself anyway)) (((O_O I can't believe I just did that…yes I can…))) ) My mom’s afraid of me and cursing the day she didn’t get me help when I was helpable, I’m kind of worshiping demon gods and I’m pushing away the man I love!! I lost a friend and am losing another and I can’t get all these anger-ridden scenarios out of my head! They anger me more and more: My mom doing this, my friends doing that, all very painfully true things that happen throughout my life and it’s starting to get just a little annoying…

I almost hit my best friend with a bat the other night…Well, to put it more accurately (I hope my friends aren’t reading this) I did try to hit her, she moved further away on the bed and I just kept hitting the same spot over and over, yelling. And the thing that gets me is this time she deserved it. She said how much she wanted me to get raped in prison after I sacrificed my mother. After that whole deal though she figured out I wouldn’t go to prison but somewhere much funner…

(INFO! I stopped writing this hours ago and haven’t read it over but I’m still gonna keep going because I know the rest of this is just gonna be trite and uncolorful, so let me just rant a little…)

((About an hour later again))

Well, I’m not in a bad mood anymore for now so I guess while I’m in this Ok-ness (except for the whole pushing away thing…I really should do something about that…Like figure out why) I’m gonna end it here. I’m so ******** tired. Didn't really get everything across from the first paragraph but I can do that later.

Indifference to the max!