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<center> Happy Birthday To Me
Part Four
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This day was far more depressing than I ever imagined possible.
I hate this. So much. I mean all I can do is cry...I shut my door...put reinforcements infront of it, and won't answer for anyone...
I don't ever want to celebrate this again. Birthdays are stupid... I made myself be so optimistic, to make today great for me. Everytime I got a spur of happiness something would happen...and make it all go away...
I feel forgotten and unwanted...it really hurts and no one cares...I expect to much from people...I expect them to be good and caring, as I try to be...but they're not...very few people are...its not fair...hell, thats life.
I'm proud of me~I'm hurting like hell now and I didn't cut. The item I use is sitting atop my TV but I haven't touched it. I don't want to. I have no desire to. Why? You'll think its silly, but I'm thinking of Onii-san and it makes me not want to.
I did nothing today I wanted to do...and spent like 4 hours on homework. My cousin didn't want to do my hair, my mom had to work late, my birthday cake doesn't even bare my name, its raining outside, no gifts, whatever surprise I was thinking of was false and I feel like an a*****e now, no leveling on RO, my pounding headache keeps comming back every few hours, and...other thins I can't think of.
All in all, I know its not all that bad. Just a crappy day piled ontop of the other crappy things going on in my life now. I hate it all, and I wish it would go away...hopefully things are easier when i turn 18.
The only 'gift' I recieved today was from someone I certainly didn't expect to. Greg came over wanting cake and treats. I told my mom I didn't want my cake today, so there was none. He surprised me with a card, and would of had more but he doesn't get paid till tommrow. He works at Speedway...which is a gas station if you don't already know. I started cryin when he was here and he hugged me which made me feel better. I haven't hugged anyone in a long time sweatdrop . My mom doesn't like to touch me, and my sibs are...unclean individuals. Greg said sorry my day sucked, and hoped my card made me feel better (its an uber cute card too). I'm happy were still friends, I mean after the relationship we had I expected to never speak to him again. He was a lousy boyfriend, but a good friend----as long as I don't have to deal with him everyday 3nodding
Oh wait, xp on RO Silent gave me many items and 500,000 to help me level my aco whee She's like teh bestest friend~! Kevin already gave me my gifts, which I tottally love him for~! heart
Sephy has been busy today, ish miss hangin with him. Slashed seems like he doesn't want to be bothered still...I'll be honest, it really hurts my feeling 'cause I thought he was cooler than that, so I guess I'm wrong. Onii-san...::sighs dreamily:: Onii-san ish teh best in so many ways...
I...expected my 17th birthday to be...better. I guess that was stupid of me too...I even offered to decorate everything myself and my mom still said no..which was why I thought they had something planned. They didn't, just like last year and my entire life for that matter. I just keep hoping they will change...and they don't. They're the same no matter how much I try to assit them...I was so lonely today, all day...and I just can't believe they did this to me...it was like it was a regular day...I keep expecting them to storm my room and surprise me....but hell, I expect my dad to show up one day and be an actual father to me. But he's dead, and so is their spirit. ::sigh:: i just wish I would have realized this sooner.
I just want to sleep now...I wanna try and get that level on my aco on RO tonight. I did everything else today but that. I have to wait till next week to get DDR...I could get it now, but then I would overdraw on my moms account. Its just like...$20, add in shipping and next day delivery which I am getting even though my mom doesn't want me too, so it'll be about $40.
::sighs dreamily:: They're a special guy who's helped me so much and I hope I am dreaming about him tonight. whee heart
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