Well..c'mon, lets be honest. I am a spaz. I set myself up to fall flat on my face. My greatest weakness is all myself...because I just over-analyze, and analyze everything till it shrivels up and dies. Even if I get fairly good grades...ok..good grades...I still fail at life in general. School has nothing to do with life. I dont do well with real life. Maybe that's why I am always screwing up. Maybe thats why I feel like s**t. Maybe thats why I hate myself.
Not...going to hurt myself. That'd be too cliche, and prove even more how much I fail at life. I have no reason for that. I just..feel self-loathing...and so I am bitching at no one..because I KNOW no one really reads this stuff anyways. Better that way probably. Like a diary I can pretend someone else actually cares about.
Who am I really? Damned if I know. Seems like other people know me better someitmes. Seems sometimes as if NO one knows anything. What I want...I dont get. What I recieve, I often do not want. So happy how my life works like that. my karma sucks.
I always say 'I'm gonna be a better person' or..'I am going to improve myself', or 'I am going to actually shut up and stop making a total a** of myself'.
Of course...have I actually DONE that? Hell no. I cant keep my own promises. Case and point....bascially the whole point of all this rambling.
I am a loser. yep...only thing I am is honest. At least i can admit it to myself.
 lost2darkness · Sun Nov 12, 2006 @ 01:28am · 0 Comments |
