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Wow...seven months into our relationship...it's...*sighs* Let me just explain how my day went...
I woke up at about 1-something...went back to sleep and woke up again at about a quarter to four... My intention was to try to fix my computer while waiting [hoping] he'd come online. But then, I decided to go on Gaia and look back on our old profiles...backtracking everything from the very moment we met...and mind you, I was completely oblivious of the date today...
There was this one time we fought...wherein I kinda made him mad about some ******** pervert who'd keep on annoying me with ******** messages...I changed my number straight away...I told him about it...anof "Miroku"d he bad...actually, worse, after being accused of being rude towards Kaz-Kaz [Safety-Pin-Reject / Yazz] on MSN...I never really knew about that...he was framed actually...just that...well, I was somewhat ignorant and I simply wanted to talk to him...I didn't know that he was having a rough time...it seemed so, but he didn't exactly make clear what was wrong...until I made it worse...I regret that so much...and I blame myself more for being so...ignorant...so...stupid...I just...felt so......stupid...I wanna be given a chance to apologize for all those times...a chance to make things better again...to return to the lovers we were......
I felt worse at school...I couldn't get him off my mind...and I was constantly reminded of "Miroku" throughout the day...especially during English class...where we were had accessories similar to a Houshi's sutra beads...Miroku's control over his Kazaana...I'd take it away from the group and wear them around my left hand as Miroku does...even childishly "using the Kazaana"...I couldn't help it...
I can't believe I forgot to ask him that last time I got to talk to him about just how much he wanted to be with me...since...Mom is allowing him to come over whenever he wants...regardless of time or date...I can't believe I forgot...I really want to have him around...even for just a week...
I looked back at all our comments to each other...they were just so...real...I mean...I...I...I regret being so mean to him...so cruel...so...whatever negative traits that I showed towards him...I wanna take it all back and just give him all that I got...I wanna pamper him again...make him feel that he'd feel special in my arms and ONLY in my arms...I'm the only one that can give him what he needs...I'll be willing to do anything for him...whatever it is...whatever the cost...I just haven't been tested to the limits...but as far as I know, I'll do my best......as long as...it's not for us to be apart...I wanna be with him...I love him with all my heart...I love him so much...he's just...so special to me...too close and dear to my heart...
That thing that I did...fix his shattered heart...to the extent when you hammer glass and lots of pieces are so small that they won't even fit...I started to fixed it with some scotch tape and glue...and then I continued to fix it properly, supplying parts of my heart for his...I wanna continue doing that...[starts to cry again] He's the only one I want to be with...the only one who I want to please in my lifetime...the one who I want to be committed to...the one who I'd make happy for the rest of my life...I hope it's not too late for that...I wanna show him that I love him...I need him...I just...do...
Hayato...I...I really wanna be yours...and only yours...and you to me and only me...I really love you...and I'm really sorry for my stupidity and for the way I put things and make you misunderstand what I mean to say...I never meant to hurt you...I always wanted to make you happy...but it was always my fault and I've seen that...and I'm terribly sorry for making you think those kinds of things...making you lose more of your trust in me...I feel horrible inside...hurting you like that...it's like I'm making you feel worse...
...If you'd allow me to start over...that'd be great...if you'd give me a chance to prove to you that I haven't given myself away, that I've been loyal to you, that I love you, that I'm yours and only yours, that you're the only one I think about, that you're the only one I want to serve, that you're the only one I wanna be with, that you're the only guy I care for and care about...that you're gonna be in my heart forever...I will...I'll do anything to prove it to you, Hayato...
...Happy 7th Monthsary, Love...I love you with all my heart, Hayato...
[EDIT: 8:27pm (+8 hours)] Wow...today's been...WOW...I mean...all these things happen on our 7th monthsary...especially...the most dramatic part...you guys know about the anime Inuyasha? Of course you do...well, that episode where Miroku proposes to Sango......they showed it just...a few minutes ago...I...couldn't hold back the tears...that episode always made me cry...but this is the first time I watched the episode...I meant that...even my first ever AMV put as my multimedia on my profile...Sango/Miroku, with the song Broken by Seether and Amy Lee (Evanescence)...gosh...way too eventful...usually, this would be a sign...then again...it could only be something to cheer me up...I just...gosh...I have no reason not to smile after quite some time...^^
 Mary Hiryu · Tue Nov 21, 2006 @ 10:10am · 0 Comments |
