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Well, another crushing blow to my self-esteem. Yesterday I was talking to the guy I like, and I asked him if he liked anyone. He said "I've never really thought about it." crying crying crying crying Do you know what that means? It means he doesn't like me after all. I'm not surprised about that, but it still hurts oh so bad. I really like him, and I was hopeing he liked me too. My dim, flickering ray of hope was once again snuffed out. Before I left though, he asked if he could call me this weekend. Of course I said yes. I really doubt he will though.(I'll post whether he does or doesn't.) That, in a way, kind of makes it sound like he likes me. I have no clue. He probably doesn't, he was just saying it in a friendly way. I don't think I am the best judge of how to tell when people like other people. I can seriously feel a battle raging inside me against whether to keep hope, or to let reality take me. I know if I keep hope, I will just end up being hurt again. But sometimes I can't help it. I was a little less depressed these past weeks because I thought he might actually like me back, but now I've once again realized I really have nothing to live for. I don't understand why I don't just rid this world of my sad, undesirable presence. Until the next heartache...
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