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Look b***h...
Mmmm....all of Courtney's caring has officially died away. 3nodding
I dunno why I ever cared so much before. Why people mattered so much to me. Pretty silly for me to care about anothers wellbeing over my own. I used to call that behavior and people like that who cared for others more than themself righous and oh-so-badly how I wanted to be...but I just don't see the point of it anymore. I keep trying to help and be there and care for people who don't want me to. Reaching out to those I seem to think need me so badly...and they don't. Setting aside my goals and aspirations for the slim possibility maybe I can make them happy. Ya know what hit me?
...I can't.
So ******** you all. Burn in hell. Dirty selfish corrputed bastards. 3nodding No, I'm not mad right now. This is just a rant. My feelings atm~! whee heart
I remember back in the day when I used to say, "Except Onii-san, Izzy, and Josh." ...wow, I used to be so hung up over Josh.
Josh. Josh. Josh. Josh. Josh.
There Josh, did I say your name enough times for everyone to read? stare
Bleh...don't get me wrong people. Josh is on my mind alot when I allow mysef to think of him...but for the...well, since last Friday till now I am supressing any thoughts of him. 3nodding Why think of someone who doesn't even think of me? He has the Jessica and teh Nicci. surprised
God...so many ******** misunderstandings between he and I. He thinks I am inlove with my friends that I mention here and I think he's inlove with Jessica/Nicci/whatever......when its not like that at all. sweatdrop Iknow I love him more than anyone else, and he says he also has the same feelings for me.
Then again, Josh has said many things to me that don't pull through now. x_x
And yet...for soem reason, I can sit here and look past that. Forgive and forget. Still love him so much and trying so hard here to act like I don't care...
'cause I know deep down I care so much and I just keep trying to do whta I think I need to do to make him happy...but I still keep getting it wrong...::sigh:: If i quit trying then he'll think I don't care anymore...so what do I do?
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