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To love again
After being alone so long

to be able to smile
from the heart
the muscles in my face no longer strained

I was so happy
Being with him
Having his protecting
loving
caring arms around me

Not the arms of a lover
But the arms of a loved one

After caring for them
being just a shoulder to lean on
for males who wanted to give up hope
though my shoulders were burdened
with loads of my own

I grew tired and broke down
No longer able to handle another's burden
yet alone my own

So when he came into my life
i leaned heavily
enjoying the weightlessness of his care

I closed my eyes as i seemed to be in a dream
a sterile state of breathlessness
where problems seemed so small
from my position upon his shoulders

I had blinded myself
To the feelings of the one who mattered most to me
I slept carelessly
not acknowledging the weight he bore
Not seeing the scars that lacerated his heart and soul
Greedily feeding off his love
As his heart suffered silently

And as he cradled me to his chest
Though I heard the struggling sputters
of his strong heart
that played in my ears as a lullaby
I averted my attention

For I was weak
there was no strength i had
There was no use i could serve

Ultimately I was useless
and for this weakness
I have paid the price
Cause maybe just my one voice
though broken, weak, and timid
could have reaches the ears of his heart
or maybe soothed some of the conflicting emotions of his soul

What if my ears
could have served as support
so that he didnt have to carry is burdens and feelings alone
he might have decided to stay
may have had the will to tread forward

But i didnt act
and for that
I regret with all my soul

As the day came where he lifted me gently from his shoulders
and places me gently on my own two shaky feet
with a warm smile
before turning and and starting to walk away

So now I folow not in hs footsteps
but along side them
As i leave prints of my own
while following his teachings
studying his words of wisdom
Until the day he turns around and smiles at me
and whispers
"Im proud of you my angel, Im proud"