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I don't really feel like talking much today or describing the past few days which have been entry free...all you need to know is that it was better than last weekend.

I have some tootsie roll lip balm and it tastes so good...

Lips are weird. I was watchin this sex show a while back and they said the lips are really sensative...which is why people kiss. When your really sexually excited more blood is pumped to/through the blood vessles in your lips making them appear really red. Its also why women wear red lipstick on a hot date, 'cause they wanna excite the guy 'cause people have primitive things that can set them off without them realizing exactly what it is. My lips look weird red...they're usually pinkish...well, I like them when they're pinkish atleast. Its the only tiem I really notice them besides when I am puttin on lip balm. I don't wear lipstick and I don't wear makeup either. I only wear it when I have to...

I'm debating still if I'll go to prom...its not about finding a date---thats easy, I just don't really wana go, but I don't wanna feel like I *have* to go next year...

Today in Chem, I was compared by someone (I can't really remember who) to a cloud in the sky. The sky is really blue today and earlier it was cloudless except this one cloud that seemed to be slow moving along like it was lost. Whoever said it was tryin to hurt my feelings, I took them back abit when I responded saying I was proud of being alone and stuff because it made me happy and thats all that matters to me. Someother stuff I also can't remember was said and the conversation ended with me saying I was going to go far in life and become something great, just like the cloud. .... sweatdrop When I said it, it made sense. Whatever context it fell it made it make me feel proud...

I watched Blair Witch 2 yesterday. I dunno why...the one weekend SciFi channel has on scary movies and RO has its stupid double xp...it was way unfair. sad I gave up on RO, though...I have to get Lulabi to like 70 till any guild wants me sad so I guess I'll just break from it...

I still feel I don't have a purpous anymore...I just feel like I am existing. Like thats all I am...just here, I don't matter to anyone not even myself. ::sigh:: I wish this depression would go away so I could be skippy-stupid happy again...

I wanna go to the park today. Mom won't take me, and I know that...walkin home from the bus stop I looked up at the clouds. More are here now, they look big and fluffy like pillows and I wanna go to the park, lay out a blanket, and just stare up into the sky for a long time. I like to do that kinda stuff, its my way to relax...I haven't been able to do that since I was a little kid, though...

Keep thinking about Josh and my confusion regarding him...I don't know what to do...I mean, I love him and I mean that...but I dont' trust his feelings towards me anymore. I don't know if its true or not and he hasn't doen anything to try and make it seem he is being "real" this time...so...::sigh:: I just don't know. Sann is quitting RO and that does help my depression any...I wish he wouldnt' quit...so what if he got banned, it doens't matter...Kevin got his account banned for the same reason too and he was back to his regular old status in less than a month. He was in school *and* working too...I know Sann could do it...unlike with Kevin, Sann knows lots of people who could help him....atleast, those people at the culverts should try to repay his generosity from his old account. I'ma repay too and help level him, he just has to come back...

I'm done talking. Bye.

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