Hello everybody. been a while since i've done one of these, so i got alot to fill in. hopefuly i don't take up too much of your time though. i'll try to sum thing sup as best as possible. Basicly over this whole month, alot has occured, yet at the same time, not alot. lol, to be less confusing i'll explain myslef. as some or all may already know, i'm now 20, which isn't realy much, but at the same time, its a huge deal. basicly to me, the older you get, the more responsibilities you have.
for a while now i've been trying to get myself a job, with very little sucess, but i haven't given up my efforts just yet. at the same time school just started up for me, so i'm trying to balance all those factors with my own socail agenda, which basicly means i need to get my priorities straighten out a bit so i can keep a steady head on the things i do and how i do them. in other words, get a schedule for myself on things to do. since i have classes from monday to thursday, i focus on school stuff as soon as i get home, then devote the rest of the day (if possible) to my own personal intrest, and my nights are always devoted to being on here whenever i can. i want to be around for the people that need me and fro those who don't need me. i just want to be around for support and confort for you guys for those moments when life gets hard and you feel like you backs aginst the wall, and so you'll always know that no matter what, you'll always have someone in your corner. 3nodding but that should go without saying really.
lol, i like to help out wherever i can. plus i have a strong belief that you meat the people in your life for a reason, and everything that takes place in this world is for a reason. everything in life can be broken down to a simple cause and effect. threw people you meet people that change your perspective on life, others, and sometimes even yourself. i know thats true for me atlest, and i can't say the same for anyone since the only person i can realy speak for is myself. lol, but i doubt if i'm saying anything that you guys don't already know right? lol, speaking of myself (which is odd since i don't like to talk about myself too much) i've been haveing a number of bizzare dreams lately. which is only bizzar since i rarely dream, and it seems like recently i've been dreaming atleast 3 or 4 times a week. and out of all those dreams, only two realy struck me the most. the first one i had that was very surreal i managed to write down before i forgot it all. it was basicly about me alone with two other people, a boy and a girl, and we were watching music videos. then they turned into those artist i was listening to (the girl turned into amel larrieux while the guy turned into a backup dancer for user i think...wierd i know) then after sitting on the coutch with them, i walked out front, which turned into the back then we sat out on the front porch and somehow it turned into a school hallway. but everytime i looked back it was the same apartment building (i don't live in an apartment building anymore. did as a child though) so as i had some place to be, i left out of the schools front door. but as i was walking out, this guy (who i think was the "could have been" me) was walking in with two girls on his arms. he said something stuipid like "wanna share?" or something like that. anywas i ignored him and continued down the road until i just woke up. but the realistic feeling just stayed wit me and honestly i was surprise that i was actualy dreaming, despite how weird it was. i got a theory ofcourse about it, but i already concluded it so its no biggie realy.
As for the other bizzare dream, it was more personal. i dreamed that i was at home, or rather in a house that i owned with someone else. and in that home was little luna. if you know me, you know that for the longest i've always wanted to be a father and have a little girl of my own. til this day i don't know why, but that dream... see in the dream i actualy got to hold my own daughter in my own hands and see her little face smile up at me. honestly its hard to explain the exact feeling i had, but it was beyond beautiful. she was already at the crawling stage andi played with her a bit while her mother (i'm assuming. never seen that girl before til in my dream) got ready for somethng. then we both walked into the living room where my brother and someone else was waiting on us. ofcourse i'd like to veiw it as a glimps into the future, but who knows. in all my years i;ve never had that clear of an image of my own daughter than in that dream. i've always had day dreams of her crawling on my belly or drooling all over me. even resting on my chest, but never in my arms like that... lol, i didn't want to wake up, it was justtoo real for me. but i had school that morinig so i had to press on and do what i had to do.
As far as that goes, having children and romance. i'm pretty opened for whatever the future has instored for me and whoever i'm ment to be with. at the moment, as i like to say, i'm in to works on my own little love story. which is a metaphor for my love life. i think we're on chapter 3 now, possibly 4 or 5. who knows, but time will tell how the story ends, and ofcourse i'll let you guys know if its a happy ending or not. but for now, i'd like to keep things under raps as not to jinx anything yet. wink and as for children. i wouldn't mind having two. but i'd be happy with any number of kids, as many as we're blessed to have. that is, me and whoever i have them with..or by...lol, i'm an idiot so i don't know which is the proper term to use sweatdrop sorry if it offends anyone. never ment to ofcourse. but like, i said, any would be a true blessingin my eyes. even if i never do ge tthat daugter i've always wanted, it still won't change my love for my child, or children. and thats my main drive in life. to build myself up, not only for myself, and not only for my family and friends. but for my loved onces (which is basicly just like saying family and friends) and my unborn kids. i don't want to be weak in their eyes, nor inmy own eyes. i don't want them to ever think that i've fail them, or was less of a fatehr that i could be. i realy don't know what the futre has instore for me, or anyone. and it is possible that i'll never will become a fatehr, never have any children, and live a ratehr lonly life all by myself til my number is called.but aslong as i got breathe in my lungs, i'm gonna do the best i can, to reach my own definition of a man. and be their for my children and build them up so they can walk on their own two feet and be able to handle this crazy mestup world that we live in.... but, its no biggie in the end. i know i have a purpos e on this planet, and when my purpose is forfilled, i'll walk off the stage of life and make my quite exit, stage left...or right. who knows, who cares.
lol, anyways, thankies for listening to me rambles. pleasure as awlays being able to share this with you guys. well, til next time. ta ta for now mrgreen
T-Man V3 Community Member 
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