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I stand on the edge of the rock and think of my past. The only images that cross my mind are the images of my father in the middle of the night coming to my naked bed. He'd undress me and touch my p***s...As I got older I got to touch him. When the police took him away, I fell into a deep depression. But Olivia got me out of it. She became my friend and I'm forever grateful to her. She made living in Josephine bearable, especially since I had to live with foster parents. I spent every waking moment with Olivia for the rest of the summer and the entire school year. She defended me from those who wanted to torment me. I felt safe around her and I wanted to die the day she moved away.

"I'll write to you, Jamie," she said, "I promise." She kissed me on the lips and I confessed my love for her. She blinked a couple of times and said, "Goodbye, Jamie."

We wrote to each other a couple of times but then the letters stopped. And then the e-mails stopped. My foster family hated me and spread rumors about me all around the county. At school, the kids would taunt me and call me names. I wouldn't speak to anyone and I would traveled into the nearby city quite often to get high in the projects. Often I'd wonder how my father was doing in prison. Often I felt like calling him...but I didn't know what to say to him.

I miss him. I miss his company. I miss playing basketball with him after dinner. I miss lighting his cigarettes for him. I miss sitting in the living room and drink the night away, telling stories of when I was little. I forgive him for what he did to me, and I wanted to let him know.

Olivia returned to Josephine on our junior year of high school and I was so happy...But she didn't come alone. She brought her boyfriend, Arnold, and I was jealous. His parents kicked him out because he had too many piercings and covered his upper body in tattoos...I never knew Olivia went for that type. He's a good kid and he's got a good heart. Most importantly, he wasn't ******** by his dad, so he isn't ******** up like me. They invite me to places--the third wheel--and while they don't kiss in front of me, they hold hands and I can tell that she loves him. I'm happy for her.

Lately, their love has been annoying me. He's where I want to be. I want my old Olivia back. The Olivia who would protect me from the bullies. The Olivia who would play with my hair as I read to her. The Olivia who hugged me everyday when she saw me and every night when we parted. I want my father back...I went to visit him the other day--I finally mustered up the courage to do so...He turned me away. He wouldn't see me. He wouldn't even accept a note from me. He hates me. Olivia is in love with Arnold. My foster family don't give a s**t about me. And I'm alone...

So, I stand here on the edge of this rock and look down at the waterfall. Death is the coward's way out, but I'm not strong enough to live without love...