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Are You Listenin'?
Just a journal of thoughts.
If Today Was Your Last Day
It wasn't fair. It was always just him and me, and then he met Allie and it all went to hell. Suddenly, we had to eat with Allie, shop with Allie, sit with Allie, do auditions with Allie. Auditions! I can't tell you the many stupid plays I auditioned for in order to make Kyle happy. He was my best friend--like a brother to me--and I'd do anything to make him happy. He'd do the same for me, 'till she came along. And all of a sudden, I didn't matter. Whatever Allie wants, Allie gets. Well, what about Jamie?! What about me? Nothing.

We ended up going to the same college--which didn't come as a shocker to me. Yeah, I was pissed, but I dealt with it by focusing on other things--mostly girls. Whenever Kyle ditched me for Allie, I'd climb in some girl's bed. It would piss me off whenever he'd say, “Oh, sorry, Jamie, but Allie wants to do this and not that. You're welcomed to join us, if you want.” First of all, I'm not the one who should be invited. Allie was the one who invited herself, so she should be welcomed to come along and if not then she should go ******** herself. But, obviously, I can't say that to my best friend. I'm supposed to support him and encourage him and bullshit.

I almost never joined them to "hang out" because their idea of "hanging out" is to make out and I'd get sick to my stomach whenever I watched them make out. So, at the last dance of the year, I'd finally had enough. I showed some of my colors to them, but they simply ignored me. I ignored them, I walked away from them, I looked away from them and what did they do? They left me. They left me to go have sex in our room. Pissed me off, so I went to blow off some steam outside with a girl. I just made out with her, but apparently I kissed her too hard, so she left. I really didn't care that she left; I could have another her in a second.

I sat on the railing and stared at the ground. I could've gone back inside and look for another girl, but I decided to think instead. I looked up and saw a chubby short girl standing in front of me, smoking.

She said, "You know, I don't get why people smoke. It's not that interesting." She blew smoke out of her mouth and threw the cigarette away. She turned to look at me and smiled, "Damn, you're cute."

I scoffed and said, "Thanks."

"What's the matter, handsome? Life got you down?"

"I guess you could say that."

"You know, life is only hard because you're strong enough to survive it." She grinned and I rolled my eyes. "Wow, you're really angry. It can't be over a girl," she said studying me with her eyes, "you're too cute to be broken up over one girl."

I raised an eyebrow and said, "No, not a girl."

"A boy? Oh, my God, you're gay. Either way, you can get another him in a moment."

I chuckled and shook my head, "No, I'm not gay."

"Your parents getting divorced?"

I chuckled, "They already are."

"Sick."

"Yeah."

"Double the Christmas presents, huh?"

"Yeah."

"Drugs?"

I was surprised at her guess, "Yeah, my mom pops pills."

"Oh," she giggled, "I meant if drugs got you down."

"Oh," I chuckled and shook my head, "No, I'm straight."

She looked at me and sighed, “I think we should have sex.”

“Wow,” I said with eyes wide open, “you’re pretty straight forward.”

“Hey, I’m living each moment as if it’s my last.”

“Sounds like a song.”

“Where do you think I got it from?” She winked.

“Right,” I said sarcastically. I scoffed and looked at her; she looked serious. “You actually live each moment like it’s your last?”

“Yeah, is that so hard to believe?”

“Well,” I scoffed, “yeah. Nobody does that, unless you actually knew that you’re going to die tomorrow or something.”

“Do I really need a reason like that just to live freely and happily?”

“Nobody’s really happy.”

She smiled big and said, “I am.”

I chuckled, “Sure you are.”

“I am. I’m living my life as if there’s no tomorrow.” She walked up to me and added, “And now I wanna have sex with you. Because if there’s really a tomorrow, I don’t wanna regret not knowing what it’s like to have you inside of me.”

I was speechless. Out of all the girls I had been with, none have turned me on the way that girl did. I gulped and let out a sigh. She giggled and kissed me on the lips.

“Follow me, handsome.”

She grabbed my hand and lead me all the way to her dorm room where she pressed her body against mine. I smirked as we made out with our bodies against each other with mine against the wall. I licked her lips and she smiled. She smelled really good and it didn’t even bother me that she was short; she did a good job at tippy-toeing. After about a half hour of making out, we were on her bed, naked, our bodies still pressed against each other; me inside and out of her, ever so slowly. We kissed each other, licked each other, nibbled, explored and came.

It was amazing. I lied next to her and caught my breath. She smiled to herself and kissed me on the lips.

“See?” she said, “That wasn’t so bad now, was it?”

I chuckled, “No.” I looked at her and asked, “Are you sure you’re not dying or something?” I sat up, “You don’t have an STD, do you?”

“No,” she chuckled, “besides, we used a condom, relax.”

“Then, why do you, supposedly, live this way?”

She shrugged her shoulder, “Why do I need a reason?”

“Because nobody just wakes up and says, Oh, I think I’ll live today as if it’s my last day.

“You can’t say that anymore, because that’s exactly what I say every morning.”

I chuckled and shook my head, “You’re crazy.”

“No, I’m Donna.”

I looked at her and smiled, “It would’ve been nice to moan that in your ear or something.”

She blushed and chuckled, “That sounds hot, handsome.”

“I’m Jamie.”

“I think I’ll stick to handsome.”

“Okay.” I kissed her on the lips and then gave her a hickey on her neck, whispering, “Just a little something to remember me by.”

She whispered back, “Finger me; something to remember me by.” She winked.

I did and I can still remember her smell. The next morning, I walked back to my room. I didn’t bother asking for her number or address or anything; if she wanted me, she could just look at the post-it I left on her desk with my contact information on it—something I never did. I didn’t know if she’d call me or not. I walked back to my room with a smile on my face. I walked in on Kyle getting dressed.

He asked me where I went last night and I said, “Just living in the moment, I guess.” I lied in my bed and stared at the ceiling, smiling at myself.

I had been with many girls, I had fingered many girls, but none felt or smelled as great as Donna. She moved me, not just sexually, but mentally as well. I thought of her philosophy: Live each moment like it’s your last. I turned on the radio; If Today Was Your Last Day by Nickelback played and I laughed.

“What’s so funny?” Kyle asked.

“Nothing,” I replied and looked at him.

I thought, I shouldn’t be mad at him or at Allie. Even if he’s crazy about her, it doesn’t mean he’s replaced me, even if it feels that way. She may be his girlfriend, but I’m his best friend.

“Let’s have lunch,” I said.

“Oh, I’m meeting Allie for lunch.”

I shrugged my shoulder, “Well, she can tag along.”

He chuckled, “I see how it is.”

“Yeah, lately you’ve turned our plans into yours and Allie’s.”

“I know,” he sighed disappointedly and walked over to my side of the room, “and I’m sorry I do that. But you know how crazy I am about her.”

“Yeah, just try to make some time for me, yeah?”

“Of course. Just tell me when I’m being a d**k to you, okay? I swear I don’t catch myself until later.”

I chuckled, “Okay, I’ll keep that in mind and I’m here for you, man, even if I seem upset or something. But don’t worry, I’m gonna change.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, I’m gonna try to be more optimistic.”

He looked surprised, “What brought this on? Not a girl?”

I looked at the radio and chuckled, “No, just a song.”

“Oh,” he chuckled, “well, whatever works for you, Jamie. I just want you to be happy.” He smiled and added, “Well, I’ll see you later at the cafeteria, okay?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m gonna meet Allie now. We have to rehearse for tonight. You’re coming to the play, right?”

“Well, I gotta support my best friend and his girlfriend, right?”

“And it means a lot to me.”

“I know.”

He winked and walked out. I lied back down and sighed with a grin on my face as I listened to the song.

The End.





 
 
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