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where do i fall into this?
........................................................................................my mind is blank as it retreats from the truth and steps into the seemingly comforting arms of lies. not just any lies, but *my* lies. all of them. instead of being afraid though, i feel relieved. i cant see anything, but i know whose arms im falling into and whose im leaving. i feel nothing but contented as its tendrils wrap themselves around me, not caring about its true form. my mind is numbing now. the pressure on my arms is starting to fade, but i know it still has a firm grasp on me. i think im dying. i think about what i might leave behind, but i dont resist. i feel the blood drain from my face, along with the comfort. it starts stinging all over. i want to writhe in pain, but i cant. im paralyzed. the numbness is maddening. then theres color flooding the space. it happens so quickly i blink several times to adjust. im dizzy now, but ive been released and my body is my own again. instead of writhing, i just collapse to the floor. theres nothing again, except the longing to shut my eyes forever. then i feel something on my shoulder. im afraid its the tendrils again, but im wrong. its something else. i cant see what it is, all i know is that it was warm to the touch. it soothes me instantly, and i feel rejuvenated. a soundless voice rings in my ears and utters a few words, meant for me and only me. i absorb them as carefully as i can, for it told me to remember always when it left. its touch is fading, and as it fades, it takes the colors and the words. i grow frantic. i *need* those colors. i *need* those words. i just simply need them. i reach out for it, but its gone. i feel myself wandering around the graying space, calling it by a name i cant remember. just as the last word and shade disappear, i collapse. i cant see, but i can still feel. i know this because the tears spilling out are hot against my pale cheek...i dont know what to make of this...dream, this vision, this...something...right now i feel warm all over, although im not supposed to...i see colors, and i hear sounds, and i feel textures, and i taste atmospheres. but all of them will never be the same as what i experienced in this...i know this means something important to me, something vital, i just know. but what is it?
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