To Whomever It May Concern: The Following Words Are Probably About Nothing.
I was out for a stroll one day ((Well maybe I was and maybe I wasn't.)) when I saw a vague thing in the middle of the road ((actually it was more off to the right if you were facing north, which I wasn't)). And I couldn't help saying to my unnamed companion, "My goodness! Is that not the most thing of a thing that you have ever seen?"
To which my companion replied, "Oh no. I've seen many things much more thingy than whatever that is over there. In fact I'd hardly dare call that a thing at all."
"Perhaps you are right." I remarked, "Of all the things in the world, this thing is certainly the least."
Although I wasn't at all certain.
"Well it's hardly possible to be certain of anything." Someone said.
"Oh, very well put! That's probably true."
In silence we stood there just staring at it, just sitting there thinking what we could call it, hours or minutes well spent just lying on the ground wondering what we could have for lunch. Yes, our minds were wandering from the problem, but it was almost 5AM and I hate to miss lunch.
Finally the silence was broken, whoever was speaking, I haven't a clue, but they said, "It seems to be a... a..."
"Yes I know," I replied. "To call it a 'Whatsit' would be much too strong. It's not complicated enough to be a 'do-dad.'"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, just look at it, it's all wrong for a do-dad."
"Good point. I see it now, go on."
I continued, "I thought maybe a 'something-or-another,' but it still doesn't feel right. I am puzzled and dazed, perplexed and befraggled. It must be that it's a ..."
"You're right!" was the answer back to me, "I'm positive that maybe that's what it is!"
Excitement was over bounding ((that is to say the day was no longer as dull as a dull thing)). My unnamed companion stood, I sat, then we both jumped up and down unable to contain ourselves, my very genius was so overwhelming.
Then looking back at the ... we stopped completely still ((well I for one was moving a little)) and began staring fixedly at it again ((although our eyes wandered to everything else around us)).
The being to my left ((or right, depending on how you look at things.)) scratched its head, "You know, to leave a ... right there in the middle of-"
"More slightly to the right of!" I inserted
"Yes, thank-you. -Or slightly to the right of the street, if you happen to be facing north."
"Which is more to the left if you happen to be facing south."
"Oh yes! Very clever, you are a good Whatcha-ma-dingle to have around."
"Thank-you!" At that very moment I was all swelled up with pride!
"You're quite welcome!"
"Well continue on." I said waving my foot in a motion to signify that my new found, old friend should finish the thought that had been previously started.
"Right, I was just saying that to leave ... Hm, well I have lost that thought now, I have no idea where I was going with that."
I patted the stranger on the back, "Then stay here with me. If I had known you were intending to leave I wouldn't have encouraged you're starting the sentence back up like that."
The silence lasted only a moment when from beside me I heard, "I think tha-"
"You talk quite a lot!" I politely interrupted.
"Well! I probably don't mean to, it's just that this ... it's kind of strange, it being left here in the road and all."
"Yes I was thinking the same thought, only differently," I said scratching my elbow in the manner that most people do when they are embarrassed, apologetic and thoughtful all at once. "You would think that whoever it belongs to they might have noticed it missing before they got very far."
Then there was a question.
"Do you suppose that they dropped it on purpose?" Was the question.
"Who?" Was my response.
"I don't know who." Was the answer.
"Then why did you ask?" Was my response.
"Because I was wondering why someone would leave something, like that ..., right here in the road." Was the answer.
"Hmm," was the beginning of my response, "It seems to me that to leave a ..., like that ..., right there is completely, um, oh what's that word?"
"Revolting?"
"Disgusting?"
"Gross."
"Nasty."
"Hilarious..."
"Disturbing."
"Inappropriate?"
"Indecent."
"Rude."
"Foul."
"Obscene."
"Unrefined?"
"Unseemly."
"Vomitous!"
I have no idea where all these adjectives come from, I guess from the surrounding trees and armchairs. They were all correct in their thinking though, except for whichever one said 'hilarious'. I believe that if I could figure out who said that then I would have the owner of this ... within my grasp. I hope it wasn't me.
"Do you suppose that someone is missing it?"
"Could be," I said looking around. "I don't see any 'Lost' signs posted though."
"Should we take it home and then post some 'Found' signs?"
I'm not sure what to think about this suggestion, so I said, "We could... But I am not touching it so you go right on ahead and get it for yourself."
"Well I don't want to touch it, I'm not even sure how to go about picking a ... up safely!"
"Me either." I admit.
At this point I am beginning to wonder who I am talking to so I out rightly asked, "Just who are you anyway?"
"Me?"
"Yes, of course you, do you see anyone else about?"
Looking around the unknown being answered, "No, just you, me and that ..."
"Well then yes, my question was meant for you."
"Okay."
I waited impatiently for eight hours.
"Well aren't you ever going to answer me?" I demanded.
"Of course." Was the reply, as if nothing was wrong. "I was merely trying to remember the question posed to me. I wonder if you could be bothered to repeat it."
"I wanted to know who you are!" I shouted.
"But don't you know who I am?"
I squinted until my eyes were completely shut so I could better see who was beside me.
"Oh yes! I see you now," I laughed, "I should have known it was you all along. I mean who else would it be? Well since you are here, and you are you, how about we go and get some breakfast? It must be nearly 6PM by now."
"But what about the ...?" Asked the recognized being.
"Well it will probably still be here when we get back." I said.
The next question had a paranoid tone, "But what if it isn't?"
This was something I hadn't considered. I stuck out my index fingers and twirled them nervously, then replied, "I can see by the look of your shoulders that you are worried, you dear stranger that I have known since infancy. We will stay here until something happens to the ... then we shall have breakfast!"
Relief instantly spread over my unnamed companions shoulders.
And so we stayed on the side of the road for nearly thirty years. Sometimes sitting, but usually standing. For my part I mostly chose to stand on my head, just for the comfort that it provided for my feet. Never did we speak for both of us were lost in the thought of what it would be like to have green eyes. How odd to see everything in the world with a greenish tint! You wouldn't be able to tell a lemon from a lime! I was just considering that since everyone would appear to have greenish skin I would never recognize an alien should I be blessed enough to meet one, when suddenly I noticed
something coming down the road.
It was a caribou.
Silently we watched as a caribou came trotting down the lane. He stopped right in front of the ... and just stared at it.
"Strange!" I whispered to no one.
"Supposing he eats it!" No one whispered back.
"Nah, I am sure caribous are smarter than that."
As I was saying that the caribou suddenly scooped the ... up in his antlers and then turned to us.
"No, no, it's not at all ours." I assured the horned animal. "You may go ahead and take it if you'd like. I don't think anyone will mind."
From beside me I heard, "Well isn't he a sight! Carrying that ... down the road in that manner!"
We laughed about it for a good long time.
"What do you suppose a caribou could want with a ... anyway?" My nameless friend asked.
I scoffed and answered "I don't pretend to know the business of caribous. Now if it had been a duck, that I would have understood. But a caribou? That shall forever remain a mystery."
Then there was a long pause which we filled by striking a dramtic and thoughtfully pose. It worked out quite nicely so we stayed there through to the end of this closing sentence:
And so the sun rose, swiftly turning Today into Tomorrow and bringing in a shining Yesterday for us to enjoy Next Thursday.
Xx Mosakra xX Community Member 
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