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I've recently been thinking a lot about nature. Either it's owing to my natural link to all life and the world in which I live, or it's the hippy chick whose knickers I've been trying to get into.

Either way, I thought I'd pass on my findings about nature. It seems that nature is all about animals which are things that move, as opposed to geography, which is things that don't move, and geology, which is knowing about rocks. Considering that cavemen with brains the size of Nintendo DSs managed to pretty much figure out rocks in a few days, geology can't be that tough. However, as I have now established, and animal is anything that moves, from the smallest (the Atom) up to the largest (the Tectonic Plate). Connected to those who know about animals are people called zoologists. A zoologist is someone who knows everything about zoos, such as how much badly-made keyrings cost in the gift shop, or how many dirty words the mynah birds have been taught.

The people who study animals themselves are called naturists, and are so dedicated that they not only study animals, but they do it in the nude. Like me, occasionally. However, the courts can get a bit funny if you explain your public nudity by explaining that you wanted to look at animals, and so a far better excuse is that you're going to a fancy dress party as Michael Jackson after he's been sued out the clothes he stands in.

Now the complicated part is this: just like Nintendo have gone back to their roots by releasing the Nintendo DS (which is the size of a caveman's brain) in loving memory of the Game-and-Watch Dual Screen (which was the size of a chav's brain); nature too has gone the roundabout route by, after millions of years of evolution, producing me, to tell you about nature. Some people just have to make things complicated, like the hippy chick who has a 'problem' with my leather flight jacket. Oh well, adios friends!


victoryusagi is a bored writer living in West Sussex. His brain is the size of an X-Box.