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Why am I the only one here who can take this pain and continue this life... To feel this way... I understand how Mike felt years ago, but I choose not to take the actions he had.. I wish I wish I could cut this pain out of myself.. It just keeps getting worse..

I wish I could stop my mind of all thought, these thoughts that bring them self to my mind make it harder to get through times like this, they make it worse.. I want to cry, but the tears won't show... I can't do anything right now, I just sit here trying my best to ignore my mind.. Some say pain makes you stronger, but I don't understand how this is going to make me stronger..

I need to do my school work.. But when I think about doing it my mind asks me whats the point.. I UNDERSTAND THE POINT.. why do I follow what my mind is telling me.. I wish I could overcome this with will power alone... I want to be able to concentrate again..

I keep telling myself to give up.. I keep looking toward the future.. I can't look at the present right now.. I don't want to think about the present right now.. I want to feel happiness again.. I'm just being greedy... Everyone experiences sadness I've just experiences so much I wish it'd go away... I shouldn't be greedy.. Happiness will come to me when I deserve it, and no sooner... I shouldn't try to be happy but to get to a point in which I deserve that happiness.. I don't believe I deserve it right now, so I'll wait until that point in time in which I do deserve it...

I'll continue to try as hard as I can on everything I do, and to make it through my classes as best I can..

(Keep moving even if you can't concentrate on it, not matter what your mind tells you, you need to get your work done, you need to make it through what you've been trying to do.. Just keep working as hard as you can.. Even if you stay frozen in time until your finished, just keep working, the future is near)

"Why should my life or happiness be valued over anthers? What makes me more valuable than someone else?" ~Angel