Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Well, I feel better today, happiness still hasn't reached me and I'm sure of my actions, but I don't feel terribly depressed... I've received many many words of wisdom today from the one I love, and was told the words I've longed to hear today.. I didn't really do too much today though, I woke up really late, though I have plans to go to the coffee shop tomorrow...

I was told something that depressed me today, and I hope the actions they take are the right ones.. Even so I decided before today that I'd be able to live with it if it does happen... I worry about the one I love.. I worry so much, though that is part of love...

I was told today, that I easily take the burden of others easily, but found that it doesn't make the ones that love me happy... It doesn't make me happy to do so either, I do it though so I can feel helpful.. The one called Ryu told me that its the form I take that's equivalent to cutting myself, I may not use a blade, but I'm destroying myself by doing so... I'm not sure if I believe this though, I've always done it so I can help, even if I don't feel like I've helped anybody... I don't think I really ever want to give up on helping others though, I will take their burden on my shoulders no matter how heavy it gets.. It's one of the things that make me feel like I was meant to exist.. I'll do what the others can't and live on no matter how much pain I'm feeling, even if there are times I feel like giving up, I'll make the choice not to.. I just wish someone could push me forward though, so I stop remaining frozen in this state, but I don't want to to burden anyone with myself..